Praying with children. Wait!!!! Is that even possible?

Prayer or praying is probably a difficult topic for many of us, something which we don't bring up in our conversations with others.   It could be because it is more personal to us or because we have never practiced praying in our own lives. Whatever the case me be, have you ever thought of how to introduce prayer to our children?  Children have a tremendous capacity for prayer.

I would like to share with you how we can incorporate a morning prayer routine with our children.  

There is no other topic which is as close to my heart as 'praying with children'.  I find it extremely beautiful to watch a relationship starting to grow between God and child.  The best part is that we, as parents, get to play a vital role in building up that relationship between our children and God.

When my oldest was around 3 years old, I wanted to help him pray and get to know Jesus.  Other than taking him to church for Holy Mass, I wanted to give him the opportunity to start off the day with Jesus.  That is how I came up with the idea of introducing a morning prayer routine with children.

Our first prayer table 7 years ago

Something which started off very simple 7 years ago has now become a huge part of our lives.  Our day begins with Morning prayer.  It is absolutely lovely to know that, everyday my children and I will sit together singing words of praises and thanksgiving to God. 

Few questions you may have asked yourself or wondered about are:

Do young children have the capacity to pray and to live in relationship with God? 

Is it only something we value and therefore impose on children?

Does religion enrich or complicate their lives?

When I started this journey of morning prayer with my 3 year old son, I noticed how much he enjoyed singing songs and hearing stories which I read out to him from the Bible. It started igniting a spark in him.  Throughout the week, many of our day to day activities also started pointing us back to these stories.  When it was hard for him to share something or clean up his toys, I could always bring back stories from the Bible as examples and help him understand what God wants from us.  At just 3 years old, he was able to have a conversation with God through his broken sentences.  The way he would repeat the two lines of thanksgiving songs during our prayer time was just adorable to watch.  In fact, it helped me to grow in my relationship with God by seeing this tiny little body loving God.  You can read about our morning prayer I blogged about back when George and Anna were babies here.

I recently became a certified Catechist for a Montessori based religious education program called Catechesis of the Good Shepherd (←click this link to find out more).  Some of you may have heard of it and some of you maybe sending your children to attend this program.  Attending this two year training to become a Catechist really helped me to understand and grasp the bigger realities of building up this relationship with children. 

Sofia Cavalletti, founder of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd   writes in her book called The Good Shepherd and the Child (A Joyful Journey):

"Young children have a natural ability to enjoy their relationship with God in a very deep way.  Children are capable of enjoying the presence of God; they are able to give themselves totally to God's love. It is only before the age of six that children are completely inside this joy.

How important it is to realize this.  If we can enjoy the presence of God in our life, then our faith is established on the only sure foundation. Perhaps it is only when we enjoy God's love, only when we enjoy God's presence in our life that we really have a vital faith, like Abraham's, something rooted very deeply in our life.  If we are not allowed to enjoy God's presence, then there is always effort and struggle in our religious life; if there is only that, it may mean that something is missing in our spiritual life."

Ultimately, through this morning prayer routine we are giving our children a space to enjoy the presence of God.  By enjoying that freedom they have with God in the small prayer space we provide, faith is beginning to take root in our children.

Now, how are we to do this?  Let us come to the practical steps.

Let us first set up a prayer corner in our house to have our morning prayer.  If you already have a prayer table in your family where you pray, then you can use that as a space for your morning prayer.  

It is important we provide an environment suitable for prayer. If you don't have a prayer corner, you can set it up in the most simple way.  A small table with a sacred image, such as an image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, or the Mother of God with the child Jesus.  Our prayer table has a statue of Blessed Mother, the Crucifix, small iconic pictures of the Holy Family, and our Lady of Perpetual Help, Syro Malabar Cross, Candle and few other things that get added based on the feast days of saints etc.

Our Current Prayer Table

First, begin by setting up a time that would work for you and your child.  A good preferable time would be right after breakfast.  We definitely don't want young children to be praying with hungry stomaches. 😄

You can invite your young or older children to come and sit with you as you slowly guide them by singing a song or reading a story. Using a bell to invite the children to prayer is also very helpful. The bell brings a different ambiance for the children just like at church the bell is rung right before Holy Mass begins.

You can find bells at Thrift Stores or Goodwill

Children always get attracted to stories and if they have a hard time coming and sitting down with you, picking up a small story book, preferably a religious one would be very helpful.   If they are below 3 years of age, I highly recommend not forcing them to stay seated.  Even if they are walking around or playing, I usually sit near the prayer table saying a few simple prayers or singing a song of thanksgiving.

 

A song that I sing with them just to settle them down is "The more we get together, together, Together the happier we will be".  I just end the song by mentioning each of their names and we end it. 

It would be nice to start off by blessing yourself and your child with the Sign of the Cross.  If they already know how to make the Sign of the Cross, encourage them to do so at this time.  There is no need to make the little ones say the words of the Sign of the Cross if they don't know it yet.  It would be enough to just encourage them to make the gesture.  There is a Sign of the Cross song I sing with the kids which is taken from the Brother Francis Video Series called Lets Pray. The small songs always help the younger ones.  

As you begin the prayer, lighting a candle will help you and your children to come into the presence of our Lord.  I remind my kids that Jesus is the light of the world and the candle reminds us of Jesus's presence with us.  It would be nice to have a separate tray or basket to hold the lighter or matches to light the candle. Also using a snuffer to turn the candle off would be a great addition to have because it brings such curiosity and a reverence to the whole prayer time. You can find it on Amazon which I have linked here but you can also find it at Dollar tree.

I leave a small clay bowl to keep the used matches

You can sing songs like "This little light of mine" or "Father we adore you, lay our lives before you" during this time.

Young children's prayer is usually prayer of thanksgiving and praise. After the Sign of the Cross and the lighting of the candle, we move into a time of thanksgiving.  I ask the children, what are they thankful for.  You can encourage them to say one or few things they are thankful for. It would be nice to start off by you (parent) giving thanks first.  For example: I thank you Lord for the beautiful weather or I thank you for my family.  The depth of the prayer will slowly increase as you make this a routine.  I have to warn you that sometimes the little ones will have so many things to thank God for and they will go on and on.  I also sometimes sing a thanksgiving song which goes like this
"Thank you God for giving me 'my mom' 

Thank you God for giving me 'my family' 

Thank you God for giving me 'dad', 

right where we are"

Sometimes singing helps more than uttering the words for little ones.  

Once everyone gives thanks, ask them if they want to pray for someone or something.  You will be surprised by how much they can express to God through their little words.  It is better that we don't try to change the way they are praying or give them any ideas.  As long as they are not being silly and goofy and trying to be a distraction, just keep going at their pace.  

I also take this time to read a parable or a passage from the Bible.  I invite them into a listening stance and I read the text solemnly. I offer children points of reflection in the form of wondering together, to evoke their own response to the parable.  They may not have anything to say and we don't want to force them to say anything either.  It is also helping them to think while they are not responding.  The wonder questions could be like "I wonder who the good shepherd is" or I wonder why Peter wanted to walk towards Jesus as he saw Jesus walking on the water etc".  There need not be any response for these wonder questions. The capacity to wonder is natural in the young child.  

Through this prayer time, it is not only the child that is growing but our own prayer life.  We are also listening to God's word with children.  I have to say that lot of times, their prayers and the way they thank God touch my heart so much that the rest of my day is made better by their small acts of love towards God.

If a saints feast is celebrated that day, we use this time to talk about that saint either from the saint book we have or by looking up that saint online and ask the intercession of the saint.

The childrens bible and the saint books I use

We end by surrendering our day to Jesus and Mary.  We also sing a hymn to Blessed Mother as we end our prayer.  Always feel free to change up the structure based on the needs and wants of your children. If the baby is cranky or one of the toddler is having a difficult time and is creating a ruckus, I will shorten our prayer time and end right after the thanksgiving prayers.  I also try to always keep the prayer time to around 15 mins maximum. There is no set way of praying with children. The above order I gave is just an example and something I have been following with my children.

This prayer routine has been consistent in my family for the last 7 years.  The prayer I started with just George, my oldest son when he was around 3 years old has now three more little ones, Anna, Mary and Elizabeth.  It is always fun to watch them pray and how their style of praying change as they grow older and some remain the same whether they are 3 years old or 9 years old, haha!

We don't need to worry about the kind of prayer our children make, rather allow them to be free before their God.  They don't have the inhibitions and lack of trust we as adults experience.  We are just being the mediators between our children and God.  Let God take care off the rest.  

There are times when the kids can be distracted and may show disinterest in joining prayer.  I always insist that they sit along with us if they are old enough to understand it.  But with younger children below the age of six are always brought in through reading stories aloud or singing songs which will eventually bring them towards the prayer table.  Also let this not be a rigid prayer time we force upon the child.  Let us first give the control over to God and offer this desire in our hearts and pray for few days before we begin this prayer time with our children.  There will always be hindrances but be consistent and keep going forward. There is no better gift than giving Jesus to our children at a young age.  

I hope this will help you build up a morning praying routine with your children at home.  Let me know if there is anyway I can be of help to you. 

Journeying through Lent with your child

I know as parents we lead such busy lives especially when we have many little ones around us.  Many of us are working mothers who are struggling to keep a work/life balance. Most of the time we wake up tired, barely getting few hrs of sleep, and we go to bed with the guilt of not spending enough time with our children or feeding them frozen pizza. Oh.. and then we have to worry about the laundry that has been overflowing in our rooms, or the clean clothes that have piled up in our rooms or basements for weeks because we have not had a chance to fold them. By the time we finish folding those clean clothes the next load of laundry would have already filled up our laundry baskets.  Our task is never ending and very tiresome and takes a lot of our energy both physically and mentally. In between all this where do we have time to keep up with our kids faith life.  We all have good intentions and we want to give the best to our children but our busy lives and lack of rest sometimes put areas like faith formation and learning about Jesus behind. 

As we are approaching this beautiful season of Lent, which actually begins tomorrow (Ash Monday for us Syro Malabar Catholics), it maybe a good time for us parents to take few minutes to think about how we can help our children also journey through this beautiful liturgical season of Lent.  

Lent is a special time set aside by the Church to help us focus on our journey to God.  We should use this time to grow spiritually and get back on track with our faith.  A young child's mind is ready to absorb, process and retain an enormous quantity of information. Lent is a great time to start helping our little minds learn something beautiful about their rich catholic faith.  Yes, as parents we lead such busy lives with many responsibilities, but just as cooking and cleaning are difficult to fit into our schedule, so is religious education.  We have to make time to teach our child about God.  We don't want to let a secular world interfere with our primary responsibility and joy as a Catholic parent! 

 I am going to explain some simple ways in which I have incorporated Lenten journey into my children's life.  Every child is different and every family is different.  I am sharing this for anyone who might be wondering how to help your small children journey through Lent which is a very long time.  But we can make it very interesting and fun for our little ones and help them grow closer to Jesus. 

Visual Reminders 

In your home, visual reminders of the most important people in your life are valuable, for children and adults.  When you see a family photograph taken long ago, it triggers memories and thoughts.  This is also true of religious articles.  You don't worship idols, but the images can encourage special thoughts and prayers throughout each day.  In the above picture you can see a crucifix, a candle and a statue of Pieta that I put on a small prayer table.  I have added these only because I already had this at home.  If you don't have a cross or a crucifix, do not worry.  You can out a picture of Jesus or a print of a picture of Jesus on the cross to remind our children about Jesus's death on the cross. Let this not give you added pressure or headache.  Make it simple.  For our children even the simplest forms of gestures are very important.  They will appreciate it.  Even if you are a working parent, this is something doable. We try to start off the day by praying before this prayer table.  If you don't have time in the morning, you can have a small prayer in the night before you put your kids to bed before this prayer table with the special appearance of a Crucifix or a picture of Jesus which will help you talk to them about what is Lent.

Jesus Tree

Another thing I have added is something called a Jesus Tree. The Jesus tree is a wonderful way to do a Lenten Bible study with children. It helps us to journey through the life of Jesus on earth beginning from the Baptism of Jesus in the temple all the way to resurrection.  I made these little felt tree and ornaments almost 4 years ago.  We have been doing this every year since then. As my kids have grown older, I am seeing how much they cherish doing the Jesus Tree and they grasp the bible passage much better because they have something visible and each ornament connects the children to the bible passage they read when they hang these ornaments on the Jesus Tree.  Now as you read this, it may already seem so overwhelming for you because Lent begins tomorrow and it is not easy to create a Jesus Tree with felt.  So here is an easier and simple option.  Please click on this link and you can print out Jesus Tree ornaments which your kids can color each day as you read the different bible passages and you can use a small branch from outside and hang these ornaments on them.  You can better understand about it by clicking on this link.  There it is explained in detail how to do it.  If you have time in your hand I highly encourage doing this.

We spend some time together reading the bible story from a catholic children's picture bible and color a coloring sheet if we have time based on that passage and hang the ornament on the tree.  Sometimes it can get chaotic with small children but  that's okay.  The best part is that the children look forward to this time spend together because most of the times they don't get to sit together with us parents.  They don't see us giving so much importance in sharing Jesus with them, other than us taking them to church or Catechism classes. When they see their own parents as teachers who are helping them to know about Christ, it makes a big impact on them.   You may not see it right now but it will bear fruits in the future.




Sacrifice Bean Jar

The Sacrifice bean jar is mine and kids favorite part of Lent.  I have been doing this with them for the past 4 to 5 years.  The idea is that each time they do a small sacrifice or a kind deed like share your toys with your sibling, or clean up without being told, or read a story to your little sister etc they get to put a bean in the jar.  And on Easter morning the beans will turn into jelly beans.  This really encourages the children to do small penances and sacrifices.  You will be amazed.  Even if your kids go to school when they come back in the evenings or during the weekends you can keep reminding them and encouraging them to do this.  

Lenten Calendar

I also a print out a copy of a Lenten Calendar from Catholic Icing.  Even a 3 year old can do this.  Please click on this link Lenten Calendar if you would like a copy for your child. As a child it is very hard to understand 50/40 days of Lent.  This calendar helps them to see how each day passes by and  they will look forward to coloring that last box which they will color on Easter Sunday.  Because I am an Eastern Rite Catholic our Lent is 50 days starting on Ask Monday.  Since I don't have a calendar made with 50 days I just use this version and explain to the kids that our Lent begins on Monday.  

Holy Heroes

Have you heard of Holy Heroes?  Holy Heroes is a family-owned apostolate loyal to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church and not associated with any particular congregation, order, or movement. They provide an online Lenten Adventure program which comes into your email when you sign up with them.  It is free and you basically watch the small videos they provide with your children every day.  They also have activities for older children which you can print out freely through the emails you receive.  We have been doing this for the past 5 years and the kids love it and I love it.  If you would like to sign up please click this link Holy Heroes Lenten Adventure .  





Lenten Story Time


I try to have a story time with my kids through out the year.  The best part about story time is during these liturgical season we can choose books that emphasis that particular season.  For Lent, we can get lots of story books about Easter from the local library itself.  You don't have to spend money on buying them.  I am sharing a link which gives you names of several books that could be read out loud with your kids during Lent.  Older kids can read it on their own.  Here is the link: Lenten Book Basket.

Ash Monday/Ash Wedneday

Tomorrow Lent begins.  In our home we go for the Ash Monday Mass/Qurbana as a family.  This is the day I will have most of these items set up in the house.  All these items really gets them excited for Lent and it is also a way for them to be a part of it.  I try to incorporate a coloring sheet most of the time with any feast day celebrations.  So for Ash Monday I use this coloring sheet.  You can just click this link and print it out for your child to color.  This again gives them a visual understanding of what is happening.  You can explain to them what it means to put ash on their foreheads.  

 



There is no need to do everything I have mentioned here at your house.  Maybe you can pick one thing which is doable for you and your family.  Again you may be a working parent or a stay at home parent. But that should not stop you from sharing your faith with your children.  It is the biggest treasure you can give them at this age.  So even if you don't get to do any of the above mentioned ideas, just share with them stories of Jesus, His passion and Resurrection every day if you can.  Take them to church as often as you can.  Help them know that Jesus loves them and cares for them.  This is why He died on the cross for us.  The best part about doing any of this is, along with the child we are also growing in our faith.  It encourages us to be a better example to them.   A child learns by example.  He will imitate you.  Therefore, it is essential that we set a good example by our lives.  Let our children see and hear us happily exercising our faith in our daily lives.  

Daily family rosary and Daily mass(Qurbana) is highly recommended.  

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 

A moment of Sainthood

We have all grown up hearing and learning about saints.  Many of us are named after a saint also.  Growing up I have read about a lot of saints and learned a lot about their lives through my teachers and parents.  I have always wondered what  it takes to become a saint.  When I peeked into the lives of the saints, I understood that most of them lived very simple and ordinary lives.  But what they did with their simple and ordinary lives is the key to how they became a saint.  I am sure there are many more saints who lived on this earth who have not yet been recognized by the church.

So how can we live in this 21st century with all its crazy technology and other cool discoveries and still give a try to becoming a saint?  Is it even possible?  Well, I would like to share with you all some simple observations I have found to help us, maybe get close enough to becoming a saint.  The rest is up in Gods' hands.

I call it: Moments of Sainthood.

Scenario 1: The day was extremely hard because you had a crying baby, a notorious toddler, and a whiny 6 year old creating chaos and huge mess all around the house while husband is out of town for the weekend.  But you got through it all with grace and much patience, you were able to do that because deep inside you were dreaming about 9pm that night, when all your kids would be in bed asleep, when you can make yourself some tea/coffee and grab your favorite snack and catch your favorite TV show or a movie, or read a book, clean, cook, just rest etc.  After all the hard work throughout the day, by 9pm you have two in bed and you know that the baby will sleep soon too because she did not even get a proper nap.  But 9:30 passes by, its 10:30 now and you are still rocking around your 18 month old!  Your back is hurting, you are at the verge of anger and depression because everything you had planned for that night looks like it's never going to happen.  Finally at 11pm baby falls asleep.  Along with the baby,  there you are, in bed, exhausted, tired, depressed and angry.  It is just so hard to understand the whole meaning of your life as a mother at that moment.  Why can't I even get an hour to myself?  I gave everything I had to them the whole day today and still here I am at 11pm completely exhausted.  That is a moment of Sainthood. What you do in that situation is very important, to grasp that moment of sainthood for yourself.  You can hate your husband at that time who left you alone with the kids, you can blame the kids themselves, you can blame yourself for being such a horrible mother.  Or you can embrace that moment.  Lord is right there with you.  He is giving this small suffering to you.  Its up to you to willingly take it with joy or throw it away with anger and frustration.

 Scenario 2: It is with much difficulty that you pulled through homeschooling and cooking that day, only waiting for your husband to be home that evening and to bury yourself in his love and empathy and support.  That evening husband calls saying that there is an emergency at the apartment he owns and won't be back home until much later.  Your heart literally breaks.  The strength you held on to all that time is  shattered.  Here is a moment of Sainthood the Lord is allowing.  What do you do?  You can become furious, take that irritation upon your children,  and wait for that moment for your husband to get home so that you could spew out your anger and hate upon him. You could raise your voice and yell and scream in an attempt to make him understand what you went through that day.  Or you could take a deep breath and get the kids ready for dinner, spend some time reading to them or play with them, even though you don't feel like doing any of it.  You could open the door for your husband when he comes in and greet him with a smile on your face.  After a loving hug or kiss, you could share in a gentle voice that you had a pretty hectic day and invite him happily for the dinner your prepared.  This is sainthood.  You just willingly accepted that cross Jesus was putting before you and you embraced it with love.

Scenario 3: You are hoping for a goodnight's sleep as you go to bed around 12am after finishing up all your chores. You especially prayed to God that the children all sleep well and to keep the youngest 2 year old sleeping throughout the night. You wake up at 1pm hearing the screaming of your two year old.  Looks like she had a bad dream or something because she is kicking and screaming at the same time.  You quickly grab her and walk around the room hoping for her to fall asleep.  This should be quick. She normally wakes up in the night and goes back to sleep pretty quickly.  Oh..how you wish that was the case. She not only didn't go back to sleep but came back fully alive being so playful.  What do you do?  Tried putting her to sleep, sang many songs, it is 3am and here you are so tired and sleepy.  You look at your husband, and there he is sleeping oh so peacefully.  But you don't want to wake him up because he has to go to work early in the morning.  Still there is anger and jealousy building up in your heart because as a sleep deprived mom, you truly want your super hero husband to just wake up and take care of the child. And you know that is not going to happen (partly because you realize that he didn't even know that the baby was crying in the first place)! Plus its not like the baby is just going to go with him happily because, obviously, she needs the mom.  Here is a moment of Sainthood.  What can you do?  You could just be pissed off at the child, slam the door behind as you walk out with the baby to make your husband aware of what is happening, be irritated with the child who is awake or you could accept the fact that you are not going to get your sleep for tonight, so might as well take the opportunity to wake up and hang out with the child, go watch Barney with her or do something until she is tired again.  In fact that night the baby went to bed only at 5am.  You could be at peace that you handled the situation well and more so than that you just received this cup of purification from our Lord and handled it so well. That was the moment of sainthood.

Scenario 4: One day your friend shows up and starts yelling at you for nothing you really did but in her eyes you have offended her through whatever you did.  Here is a moment of Sainthood again.  You could get back at her with your arguments and excuses in the same way she is speaking to you or you could just see it as a great moment to accept the saintly opportunity and just calm down and stay quiet until she is done.  When your friend has finally finished with all her griping, speak to her with compassion and love and explain yourself if only the situation calls for it.  There you have taken Sainthood to another level.

             


Scenario 5: Your parents, who are in their old age, are expecting you to help them with filling out applications, call the insurance company, or even take them to the doctors office.  When you are in the middle of homeschooling and dealing with all the other good stuff that comes with it, it is not so easy to do these things for your parents.  So you finally find time and do it all well and nice for them.  But even after all that is done and taken care, here you dad comes up with all these questions which kind of make you look like you don't know a thing.  There you got another moment of sainthood.  You could either ignore your poor parent, say something harsh back to them so they don't ask such questions anymore, or you could explain it all with a lot of humility and make them feel comfortable.  After all, they are the ones who spent all those sleepless nights carrying you around, loving you patiently.  To remember these good old days with your parents and love them unconditionally is an opportunity the Lord is putting before you.  Whether you take it or not is up to you.




Scenario 6: At work, you finished all your work for the day and you are getting ready to run back home. As you are about to leave, your coworker seeks your help in understanding something he can't figure out on his own.  Your choices are turn him down saying you are busy and will help the next day or leave  your bag down and go help him.  When you help that poor man/woman by putting away your needs, you are truly helping Jesus.  There you just grasped that moment of sainthood.

Scenario 7: You are rushing out of church with all your kids who gave you such a hard time during Mass.  All you want is just get back home. As you walk out you can see an old lady whom you know is waiting for someone to give her a ride.  You want to avoid eye contact at any cost.  You put your head down and look the other way and try to walk out.  However, you are reminded of charity and kindness at that moment.  You could still push those good thoughts away and think of the hardships you are facing.  You know that the lady knows you well and would rather get a ride with you than someone else at church.  Well, there is your sainthood moment.  Would you rather walk up to her with full joy and ask her whether she needs a ride or walk away letting go of the wonderful opportunity?  Yes, your kids are whining, and the little one is on your waist crying.  But what good it is to love and help others when the moment is perfect.  Sainthood happens when you do it even when times are bad for you.  God actually does miracles when you embrace these moments. The crying child becomes so happy as she sees there is one more person coming along with her in the car.  The whining children forget what they were whining about because all of a sudden they are distracted by the new person who is coming with them.  After all, isn't that a valuable lesson that you can teach your children about helping others.  A moment of sainthood....

Scenario 8: Your mother in law walks into the house and you are expecting her to ask you how you are doing or how the kids are.  But the first thing that comes out of her mouth is, "Make Some TEA!!!"  Those words are not music to your ears.  You would have happily made that tea but the tone in her voice changed everything.  There, God is bringing the sainthood so near to you in that moment.  Embrace it or do it with anger and frustration.  You put a smile on your face and give her a hug and welcome her into the house.  You help them get seated in your living room couch comfortably, let your husband hang out with them, and you go to the kitchen and make a nice cup of tea with love filled in it and offer it to your in-laws happily. Go get some snacks and offer it.  Tell them to wait and have lunch or dinner and go.  Hey, there you have already become a saint in that moment.  Wont you try it??

Scenario 9:  It is a free day that you have in your hand.  There are clothes to be washed/folded, rooms to be cleaned, dishes to be washed, dinner to be made or  homework to be finished.  But laziness is forcing you to sit back and relax.  All those pending TV shows come to your mind, or checking out social media or sleep. Would you fall into these temptations or  you can relax and do these things after you are done with your chores by being responsible.  Our sainthood happens when we are accountable to God by fulfilling the responsibilities he has given to us.

 

I have plenty more instances to share but I shall stop here.  I have not fully achieved any of this yet.  But I am a work in progress and I might be in that stage till I die.  You might be too and that's okay.  You tried!  Jesus saw that.  He was right next to you.  He was preparing you all that time to reach heaven to be with him one day.  Its never too late to try it.  If we can offer up these sufferings to God to use it for the good of someone else, how wonderfully are we participating in the work of the Lord.

We may not get to be a martyr or go through big sufferings, but to reach heaven our ordinary lives are enough.  That's what the examples of the saints lives teach us.  So are we ready to accept these moments of Sainthood our Lord is putting before us?

9 years of Marriage, a fairy tale God has already written.

We have been married for 9 years!! Although it has been 9 years, we still feel like we got married just few weeks ago.  Do we still love each other like we did 9 years ago? NO.  We just learned that our love 9 years ago was nothing compared to the love we have for each other now.  Back then we thought we knew the other so well.  But truth is that we did not.  In fact we didn't have a clue about who the other person was even though we knew each other for almost 5 years before we got married.

Nine years later with 4 children, one left early to heaven being just three months old in my womb, I look back and I only see the divine hands, the third person in our marriage, God who helped us get here through the sacrament of marriage.  Marriage is truly a sacrament and if we take the sacredness out of marriage, it really does not work.

Celebrating our 9th wedding anniversay

The movie War Room is a great movie for married couples to watch.  It really shows you the power of prayer in marriage and how things can turn around when you have Jesus by your side.  I just love this picture below but more than the picture the words bring such meaning.  We  live in a time where we are really trying to just get rid of things if it does not work or if we don't want them anymore.  I do that with several things at my house.  If it is not of use why keep it.  But marriage is not just a thing.  It is a life, a covenant I chose to live and practice alongside my husband in good and bad times.  So when bad times come, does it mean I can throw away my husband or wife and children.  NO!!

So we better pick ourselves up and fix things.  We may not be able to fix our spouse all the time, but I can fix me.  Sometimes the possibilities of disagreement seem endless. A cause of enjoyment of one may be boring or even unpleasant for the other. This is part of the deep drama of marriage, the constant call to die to yourself for the sake of your loved one.

I remember, I used to hate watching Basketball games or football with Sony whereas it was a huge part of his life.  He found such enjoyment in it.  He was a big movie fan and I really did not care about movies much.  I slowly found out by adopting a loving attitude, I can discover in previously boring things, the fascination that others find in them.  The first year of our marriage, I watched all the star wars movies, all three Lord of the rings and several other favorites of Sony. And today if I take a look at myself, I adore these great classic movies and have learned a lot many good points from it.  In fact, the very rare chances of alone time we get, we always try to catch a movie in our basement while the kids are asleep.  It is a hobby that brings both of us closer to each other.

Our first dance

We do need common interests like the movies to bring us closer to one another.  Otherwise, after few years life might seem very boring and monotonous.  We both love travelling during breaks.  We pack up our kids and go for many events around the country as well as for vacations.  All those car rides and long hours gives us plenty of time to spend with our kids and with each other.  Lot of conversations about many topics takes place during this time which we have been dying to share and discuss.

Our honeymoon - In Rome

Honeymoon

One of the most key part of marital relationship is communication.  There must be ample amount of talking between both husband and wife.  Ideas must be shared and discussed, sometimes even argument is good as long as we can always end in good spirit.  Sometimes the conversation might not end so well and both party may not be willing to settle down which is okay.  Just try not to prolong it for more than a day.

One small advice for my fellow ladies, "A nagging wife will often use methods of shame, blame, criticism and guilt to get her way, and as a result men build walls of protection around them. We don’t mean to do it, but when feelings get hurt or when we feel neglected we tend to act out. Unfortunately nagging can become a habit for some. After a while, the methods of communication that once worked stop working, and the couple is left void. If you want your husband to trust you with his heart as he once did, it’s important to practice self-control, hold your tongue, and replace criticism with kindness. Listen when he talks and make an effort to show him respect." (Good wifes guide)

When a wife doesn’t give her husband the freedom to be himself, when she constantly pushes and nettles him to change, it can cause the destruction of a happy marriage. (Fascinating Womanhood)

Talking about feelings is not a popular pastime in the male culture, so to be polite, don’t ask about them, but continue to share yours. Generally, men talk far less each day than women, so don’t expect your husband to want to talk as much as you. The truth is, the less you communicate your complaints, negative thoughts, and criticisms to your husband, the better your intimacy will be, and the stronger your marriage. Withholding information from your husband may feel dishonest, but it’s really being mature and polite. Men have a culture all their own and being a diplomat in it will improve domestic relations dramatically. (Surrendered wife)

The above writings just sounded so funny to me because I have done all that in my marriage lol..  I think for the first 5 years of my marriage I did just that..nagging!! hahaha... I remember my husband being so quiet and reserved refraining from talking to me.  And I learned it the hard way.  After all these 9 years I think I have gotten a little better at self control.  I am still not there 100% but work in progress.  

Being married for 9 years have taught me that, we need a lot of forgiveness, compassion, sacrifices, and a big trust in God to be able to lead a happy married life.  There were a lot of times I feared that my marriage could end up in a divorce or we would be married but live as two individuals who don't have any relations or love with the other.  But by fully relying on God and surrendering myself and my marriage into His hands, by going to daily mass, frequent confession, family rosaries, accepting my mistakes and correcting myself, seeking help from strong catholic women and men, sharing with older couples who have done it, spiritual reading and depending on a strong catholic community, we passed that hard, difficult stage in marriage.  We now experience such a deep love in our marriage which we did not have in the first years of our marriage.  Sony, who refrained from talking to me started having open conversations with me because he did not have to worry about me criticizing him. He started trusting me more. He began paying attention to my small interests and needs in such genuine ways which helped me to fall in love with him all over again.  It wasn't any more the petty issues we focused on in marriage  but we started giving more importance to helping the other person grow in maturity and closer to God.  All this was possible because we allowed God to work in us.  It doesn't mean that our marriage is perfect.  It only means that we are working hard side by side with the Holy Trinity to bring happiness into our marriage. 

Marriage is truly a fairy tale if you can make it that way.  I know it is possible because I am experiencing it.  After passion there is always resurrection.  I went through my passion and now I am experiencing the resurrection only by the grace of God.  So here I conclude my post about marriage with the assurance that, if you are struggling in your marriage, or you are at a dead end in your marriage, don't lose hope.  The lord who brought you both together has already written your fairy tale.  You just need to rely on his plan and accept the sufferings He allows in your life as a great opportunity, because what awaits you after this period of Passion is Resurrection.  Trust in Him and he will give you the strength and courage you need to get past it.  Remember the key is:

“Happiness in marriage must be earned. It is something you must work out for yourself, chiefly by forgetting yourself and serving others. No marriage is a success unless less you make it so, and that takes persistent effort and, still more, a constant and humble reliance on God.” – Fr. Lawrence G. 

First Picnic of 2018

The weather in Chicago has been very beautiful since beginning of May this year.  Usually we have to wait till end of May or beginning of June to get some warmth.  So we decided to make good use of it and few weeks ago headed out to the backyard with these three munchkins to have a picnic.  Now that Mary is 2 years old, she is able to be a part of everything much more than last year.  I don't have to worry about her eating the grass or falling down like she did when she was barely walking. We are thoroughly enjoying this warm sunshine with Mary's new personalities getting revealed each day.  She is a handful. She is lot of fun but at the same time she is capable of doing a lot of things which we normally dont expect from a 2 year old.   

We have this really big play place and she can get around the whole thing all by herself. The day when she first got on it I helped her out and walked along side her.  I thought I would have to do that for at least  few days until she gets used to the steps and hanging bridge.  Well, she surprised me.  That was the only day I had to go with her.  The rest she did it all on her own.  And her siblings is always helping and watching out for her. So that's a big help.  We all love her so much.