Nine years later with 4 children, one left early to heaven being just three months old in my womb, I look back and I only see the divine hands, the third person in our marriage, God who helped us get here through the sacrament of marriage. Marriage is truly a sacrament and if we take the sacredness out of marriage, it really does not work.
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| Celebrating our 9th wedding anniversay |
The movie War Room is a great movie for married couples to watch. It really shows you the power of prayer in marriage and how things can turn around when you have Jesus by your side. I just love this picture below but more than the picture the words bring such meaning. We live in a time where we are really trying to just get rid of things if it does not work or if we don't want them anymore. I do that with several things at my house. If it is not of use why keep it. But marriage is not just a thing. It is a life, a covenant I chose to live and practice alongside my husband in good and bad times. So when bad times come, does it mean I can throw away my husband or wife and children. NO!!
So we better pick ourselves up and fix things. We may not be able to fix our spouse all the time, but I can fix me. Sometimes the possibilities of disagreement seem endless. A cause of enjoyment of one may be boring or even unpleasant for the other. This is part of the deep drama of marriage, the constant call to die to yourself for the sake of your loved one.
I remember, I used to hate watching Basketball games or football with Sony whereas it was a huge part of his life. He found such enjoyment in it. He was a big movie fan and I really did not care about movies much. I slowly found out by adopting a loving attitude, I can discover in previously boring things, the fascination that others find in them. The first year of our marriage, I watched all the star wars movies, all three Lord of the rings and several other favorites of Sony. And today if I take a look at myself, I adore these great classic movies and have learned a lot many good points from it. In fact, the very rare chances of alone time we get, we always try to catch a movie in our basement while the kids are asleep. It is a hobby that brings both of us closer to each other.
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| Our first dance |
We do need common interests like the movies to bring us closer to one another. Otherwise, after few years life might seem very boring and monotonous. We both love travelling during breaks. We pack up our kids and go for many events around the country as well as for vacations. All those car rides and long hours gives us plenty of time to spend with our kids and with each other. Lot of conversations about many topics takes place during this time which we have been dying to share and discuss.
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| Our honeymoon - In Rome |
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| Honeymoon |
One of the most key part of marital relationship is communication. There must be ample amount of talking between both husband and wife. Ideas must be shared and discussed, sometimes even argument is good as long as we can always end in good spirit. Sometimes the conversation might not end so well and both party may not be willing to settle down which is okay. Just try not to prolong it for more than a day.
One small advice for my fellow ladies, "A nagging wife will often use methods of shame, blame, criticism and guilt to get her way, and as a result men build walls of protection around them. We don’t mean to do it, but when feelings get hurt or when we feel neglected we tend to act out. Unfortunately nagging can become a habit for some. After a while, the methods of communication that once worked stop working, and the couple is left void. If you want your husband to trust you with his heart as he once did, it’s important to practice self-control, hold your tongue, and replace criticism with kindness. Listen when he talks and make an effort to show him respect." (Good wifes guide)
When a wife doesn’t give her husband the freedom to be himself, when she constantly pushes and nettles him to change, it can cause the destruction of a happy marriage. (Fascinating Womanhood)
Talking about feelings is not a popular pastime in the male culture, so to be polite, don’t ask about them, but continue to share yours. Generally, men talk far less each day than women, so don’t expect your husband to want to talk as much as you. The truth is, the less you communicate your complaints, negative thoughts, and criticisms to your husband, the better your intimacy will be, and the stronger your marriage. Withholding information from your husband may feel dishonest, but it’s really being mature and polite. Men have a culture all their own and being a diplomat in it will improve domestic relations dramatically. (Surrendered wife)
The above writings just sounded so funny to me because I have done all that in my marriage lol.. I think for the first 5 years of my marriage I did just that..nagging!! hahaha... I remember my husband being so quiet and reserved refraining from talking to me. And I learned it the hard way. After all these 9 years I think I have gotten a little better at self control. I am still not there 100% but work in progress.
Being married for 9 years have taught me that, we need a lot of forgiveness, compassion, sacrifices, and a big trust in God to be able to lead a happy married life. There were a lot of times I feared that my marriage could end up in a divorce or we would be married but live as two individuals who don't have any relations or love with the other. But by fully relying on God and surrendering myself and my marriage into His hands, by going to daily mass, frequent confession, family rosaries, accepting my mistakes and correcting myself, seeking help from strong catholic women and men, sharing with older couples who have done it, spiritual reading and depending on a strong catholic community, we passed that hard, difficult stage in marriage. We now experience such a deep love in our marriage which we did not have in the first years of our marriage. Sony, who refrained from talking to me started having open conversations with me because he did not have to worry about me criticizing him. He started trusting me more. He began paying attention to my small interests and needs in such genuine ways which helped me to fall in love with him all over again. It wasn't any more the petty issues we focused on in marriage but we started giving more importance to helping the other person grow in maturity and closer to God. All this was possible because we allowed God to work in us. It doesn't mean that our marriage is perfect. It only means that we are working hard side by side with the Holy Trinity to bring happiness into our marriage.
Marriage is truly a fairy tale if you can make it that way. I know it is possible because I am experiencing it. After passion there is always resurrection. I went through my passion and now I am experiencing the resurrection only by the grace of God. So here I conclude my post about marriage with the assurance that, if you are struggling in your marriage, or you are at a dead end in your marriage, don't lose hope. The lord who brought you both together has already written your fairy tale. You just need to rely on his plan and accept the sufferings He allows in your life as a great opportunity, because what awaits you after this period of Passion is Resurrection. Trust in Him and he will give you the strength and courage you need to get past it. Remember the key is:
“Happiness in marriage must be earned. It is something you must work out for yourself, chiefly by forgetting yourself and serving others. No marriage is a success unless less you make it so, and that takes persistent effort and, still more, a constant and humble reliance on God.” – Fr. Lawrence G.
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